Uber Wants You To Know That You Can't Have Sex In Their Cars

"NO TOUCHING."

Uber, a company that seems totally comfortable with letting its employees stalk celebrities and ex-girlfriends, would really prefer you not have sex in their cars. Which, of course, is fair, especially for the poor soul who has to listen to you and your coitus partner while he or she drives you around. While hooking up in a regular cab might have gotten you a cameo on Taxicab Confessions, Uber wants to remind you that they'll drop you from their platform if you get nasXXXsty.

Indeed, last week Uber published a new set of Community Guidelines, which include basic tenets of decency like throwing out your trash, supervising your children in the car, and leaving your guns at home. But Uber also wants to establish that you should never "comment on someone’s appearance or ask whether they are single," or "touch or flirt with other people in the car,"—which are probably more pressing matters now that Uber Pool is so popular. Plus: "As a reminder, Uber has a no sex rule. That’s no sexual conduct between drivers and riders, no matter what."

Far be it from me to criticize sex in public places, but it is fairly uncouth to subject a driver or other passengers to your backseat boning. The company has also been subject to a number of sexual assault lawsuits and allegations, and though using Community Guidelines to ban sex in cars probably won't stop a driver from raping a passenger any more than a criminal law will, it's certainly some sort of PR move.

Anyway, you can't bang in an Uber but you can be tracked by one.