Do NYC's Olive Gardens Stack Up Vs. Grand Forks' "Impressive" Olive Garden?

<a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz_photos/XPuCR_UaPliuNQMzU2pNlQ?select=u6UTl79qJ9lRWygmyHhaLw" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kwame J. on Yelp</a>

By now, you've no doubt heard of Marilyn Hagerty's sublime review of the long-awaited Olive Garden in Grand Forks, North Dakota—her review has gone insanely viral in the last 36 hours, with more than 100K views in that period. Hagerty may play coy about the Grand Forks dining establishment, but we're just about sick and tired of Grand Forks snobs trying to dictate food trends for the entire nation. So it comes to this: how do NYC's Olive Gardens stack up against Grand Forks' "beautiful," "impressive" Olive Garden?

NYC has three main locations: two in Manhattan (in Flatiron and Times Square) and one in Brooklyn. While local blogs have been kind, most critics have been extremely harsh to Olive Garden: Anthony Bourdain has been ripping into them every chance he gets, and the NY Times was merciless in a review from 2003:

At Olive Garden, there is a tender, though tasteless, pork fillet and a tasty artichoke and spinach dip, but otherwise there is little good to say about the menu there, a shameful indictment for a company that owns a culinary institute and a restaurant in Tuscany. Do the Italians know about this?

Considering that Hagerty wrote effervescently about her local branch ("The chicken Alfredo ($10.95) was warm and comforting on a cold day. The portion was generous. My server was ready with Parmesan cheese."), we know it'll be hard to top it. So take a look at a selection of Yelp reviews below, and see how our locations compare.

Flatiron:

• "I went here yesterday and while the food was good. It's always a bit on the salty side if you want the truth, the best part of my visit was the male waiters. What eye candy. I have never seen such a good selection of wholesome, young, tall, clean cut guys in New York. For that alone, I give them five stars!"—Jenee R.
• "Its a chain restaurant... What more can I say. I can say, however, that this location had the softest freshest breadsticks I've ever had!"—Jennifer P.
• "This place is a disgrace to any Italian and anyone who loves real Italians or at least their food....If a friend suggested this place to me...I'd reconsider our friendship...I hate you Olive Garden!"—Daniela A.
• "Eating at the Olive Garden in New York City is like visiting Shanghai and grabbing a bite at the Panda Express...Yet there is always a line..."—Ming L.
• "This Olive Garden is better than the one in Times Square. Why? Because its away from TIMES SQUARE!!!!"—Kimberly K.
• "So the food here is common and the customers are atrocious. Given. But the servers seemed to try really hard to compensate for the fact that everyone know they work at a shithole. So for that I give cheers and thanks for the many ridiculous Valentine's Day memories created by this Oliver Garden. If only the indigestion and eventual vomiting induced by this and excessive alcohol consumption didn't put a damper on my experience!"—Joshua A.

• "This hidden neighborhood gem turned out to be one of the finest gastronomic experiences I've yet to encounter in my life. French Laundry, I hope you are paying attention to learn some tips of how to do food right."—Matthew A.
• "I got to eavesdrop on the delightful women at the next table all chattering in Italian. (I don't speak Italian, but I love the way they talk animatedly with their hands flailing in the air.)"—HeeBee G.
• "Why would anyone go here? This place should be razed. With the diners still in it."—Sara C.
• "I would gladly go to the Times Square McDonald's if it wasn't Boyfriend's craving for the $8.95 unlimited pasta bowl deal. In the end it wasn't a deal cause he had diarrhea from his pasta."—Lily H.
• "There will always be a special place in my heart for the OG. Why? Like most of you, I grew up in the suburbs and this was my first taste of Italian food that wasn't delivery or frozen pizza."—Lisa N>
• "Dear Max Brenner Hot Chocolate Boy, Why would you dare take me here on a date?"—Lauren S.

• "I'm only recommending this spot if you're in the area and are craving some chain-style Italian food. Just remember to bring some patience."—Alyssa P.
• "Could only give it 2 stars although the food and service was good because my party waited over an hour to be seated at 2pm on a Sunday."—Joanna S.
• "yes the breadsticks are good and fresh but thats about it. I will never go there again and if you do decide make sure you have a lot of patience."—Robin C.
• "Ok first you wait to be seated down, then they bring you the salad OK fine, you order your main course and then YOU WAIT AND WAIT"—Michael J.
• "Fist of all the wait time, ridiculous to say the least, you usually have to park far away in the lot, I've never waited less than 30 minutes for a table"—Jonathan S.
• "we have been over 10 times in here and sometimes they have a little wait but over all this place is great"—Stephanie S.

So in conclusion: the Flatiron location is great because it's not Times Square, you might meet people who speak Italian at the Times Square location, and you better be ready to wait at the Brooklyn location. Sure, we may be missing some of the Tuscan farmhouse style of a Grand Forks location. But damnit, people get engaged in our Olive Gardens!