Michael Caracciolo, The Kid From Brooklyn

The Kid From Brooklyn sees famine, war, and despair in the world's future. " I've got foresight," he says, but even he could never have predicted his own popularity. Michael Caracciolo started his website TheKidFromBrooklyn.com to entertain friends and family, uploading videos of himself ranting wildly about whatever he happened to feel passionately about that moment, whether it be border control, the President, or even Starbucks. It's led to television appearances, a memoir about his childhood in Brooklyn called "Go F Yourself" due out in December from Kensington Books, and even stand up performances, including one at The Gotham Comedy Club on August 29th. Gothamist sat down with The Big Man to get a taste of what he's all about.

You have a very loyal fan base. Have you ever thought of using your audience for some kind of political influence or maybe an activist movement, like boycotting Starbucks?
No. Everything I do is done is fun. As far as politics go, I believe in one thing: they shouldn't have the Democratic Party, they shouldn't have the Republican Party, they should just have the Common Sense Party. And that's what I basically am- a common sense type of guy.

What would you tell the politicians in Washington?
Use some common sense. For instance, the border problem. If they wanted to, they could stop this tomorrow. They could put an army there, build a wall a hundred feet high, put armed guards there, and there'll be no more immigration. But they don't want to do it. Do you know the dividing line between North and South Korea is twenty feet? On one side, you've got the North Koreans; on the other side you've got the South Koreans. It's a twenty-foot difference. There are guards on both sides, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Try crossing over that line and you'll get shot. There's no jail over there; just shoot to kill. Let's face it, if you really wanted to stop the immigration problem, that's all you've got to do. If you're asking me, do I want to do it? I don't know right now. But I'm telling you, if they wanted to stop it, that's the way they to do it.

You've gotten quite a few offers thanks to your site, including the chance to do a sitcom. What role do you see yourself playing?
I would be like Kramer was on Seinfeld. I'd be the type of guy I am with my views on the world today, the way the world was a few years ago, the way things were plain and simple, and today they're complicated and confused.

Is the world not moving in the direction you'd like it to go?
To be quite honest with you, I would hate to be on this earth thirty or forty years from now. Just imagine what's going to go on there. Twenty or thirty or forty years from now, I see famine, I see this country going down like the Roman Empire, becoming a second rate country, not the biggest power in the world anymore. You can't stay on top forever. Nobody stays on top forever.

Do you see problems in the environment as well?
I'm going to be honest with you. You go into a supermarket today, and they throw out food. They're overloaded. The population is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. How are we going to feed everybody thirty, forty, fifty years from now? There ain't gonna be enough land to grow to food to feed the population. And there are too many people. Look at the pollution in the air. There's too many cars, there's too much everything. How are you going to feed people if the population of the United States goes to, say, six hundred million, and China goes to ten billion? How are you going to feed everybody? And I've had this vision now for at least ten years. I see turmoil. I see no middle class anymore. It'll be the rich or the poor. It'll be like in ancient times. The kings and the queens and the peasants. No more middle class. The middle class will be totally wiped off the face of the Earth. You can see it now and if you can't see it, you're blind.

So, if you could change the world what would you do?
It's a tough thing to call, but you gotta control the birth rate. You gotta limit every family to one child. There's just so much land on this earth. It's gonna be all filled with houses and there'll be no more farms. How are you going to grow the food to feed these people? Everything's going to be made synthetically. It's going to be made in factories. That's were food is going to come from. And only the rich, only the people that can afford it, will be able to eat natural grown vegetables, meat, fish. It's common sense. The population keeps getting bigger and bigger. How are you going to feed people? How many more cars are you going to put on the road? Can you imagine fifty years from now, if it keeps up this pace?

How would you change New York?
If anybody had any foresight, they would have made the bridges and the roads quite larger. You only can squeeze a certain amount of cars onto the road and roadways are too small. If I could change anything right now, I wouldn't allow private cars. I'd build large parking lots and people would have to come into the city by tram or by subway train.

Another prediction I've got is that they'll build into outer space. They'll build another country up there. They'll take a rocket ship to the moon or any planet, and it'll be like taking a plane to California. That's the only way they can do it. What about water? When I was a kid in Brooklyn, if you told me I had to pay twenty-five cents for a bottle of water, I'd laugh at you. Look at the water in the street today. Fifty different kinds of bottled water. People take water for granted. Water is the number one commodity in the world. Forget about gold, platinum, plutonium. What do you do if you run out of water? You're going to have to limit the amount of water people use to take a shower or bath. The amount of water consumption every day is enormous. People don't think of these things. I think of it. Do you know how much water is consumed in a twenty-four hour period, how many billions of gallons? Where is this water going to come from fifty years from now? Water will be worth gold.

Well, while you're still able to enjoy New York what would you consider to be a perfect day of recreation?
I would say a walk. You can't go in Manhattan and breathe fresh air, because there's no such thing as fresh air in Manhattan. You just can't breathe anymore with all the high rises and the air conditioned units blowing out, all the people smoking. Manhattan is a small island. It's not made for breathing. So I would say, recreation to me would be going for a walk.

If you liked what The Big Man had to say, check out TheKidFromBrooklyn.com" or see him live and in action at Gotham Comedy Club on the 29th of August.