I tried it: A $200 luxury bus to the Hamptons that serves wine while you sit in traffic

While I know people who summer in the Hamptons, I haven’t actually visited.

The place has never felt accessible to me, and high-profile modes of transport seem to reinforce the notion that I'm not a fit: Some wealthy folks hire private jets for a few hundred thousand dollars a year.

So when Blade, the helicopter company that offers flights to the Hamptons for about $1,000 one-way, announced a new luxury bus with $400 round-trip service… well, honestly, the Hamptons still didn’t feel terribly accessible. That’s a hefty proportion of my typical getaway budget. Why blow it on wheels when I'll need it for food and shelter at my destination?

But when my editor asked me to report on Blade’s new Hamptons Streamliner bus, I said, "Yes, absolutely."

At $195 for a one-way ride from Hudson Yards to Southampton, Bridgehampton, and Easthampton, Blade’s new bus line represents a bougie new middle tier between a $24 Long Island Rail Road ticket or a $40 ride on the Hampton Jitney and the more exclusive high-end options.

Blade positions the Hamptons Streamliner as affordable luxury and promises “a level of comfort, service and amenities commensurate with private aviation.”

Such amenities include motion-canceling “hoverseats,” high-speed Wi-Fi, cocktails, light bites, service by a “Blade Passenger Experience representative” (“P/X” for short) and a spacious lavatory where one might freshen up — or even “do a quick outfit change.”

Blade’s promos depict sharply dressed models boarding the coach amid ambient lighting, clutching beverages with mirth and resting JVN-worthy hairdos on the bus’s cashmere blankets.

The Streamliner has generated plenty of excitement on social media (as one user commented on Instagram, “F the jitney”).

It looked comfy and fun, but it begged some questions: Are the promises fulfilled? Is this aspirational luxury, or real luxury? Is the ride worth the money?

What it was like to take the Streamliner to Southampton

Armed with a round-trip ticket between Hudson Yards and Southampton, I boarded the Streamliner around 10:30 a.m. on Memorial Day.

I was greeted by two effortlessly cool (read: stylish, young, dressed in black) smiling employees, and found out that I’d be one of only two passengers for the eastbound trip.

The interior layout featured a wide aisle with rows of two seats on one side and single seats on the other — you can pay $80 extra for those, given the enhanced privacy they offer (the more expensive seats get orange cashmere blankets instead of baby blue ones, giving the hilarious impression of an on-board hierarchy). The planked floor had a wood finish, giving the bus a more designed feel.

As I settled in, the P/X gave me a quick hoverseat tutorial: hydraulics-powered footrest, lumbar support, recliner. The black leather (pleather?) lounger was exceptionally comfortable.

The very personable P/X (in my head I pronounce this “P-X”) brought me a Fiji water and a PopUp Bagel, which someone undoubtedly had to wait in line for.

I received a swag bag from the wellness company by dria — the so-called Hamptons Survival Dopp Kit offered to every passenger. Mine was stuffed with beauty brands like Symbiome, Furtuna Skin, Saie and Kiehl’s — a more than $350 value by my calculation. We left 10 minutes ahead of schedule since time for boarding and luggage loading wasn’t needed. I took advantage of the Wi-Fi and tray table to get some work done. The hoverseat’s cradle-like motion was soothing, but also may have contributed to some mild and unexpected carsickness. My fellow passenger quietly read a book. We arrived at Southampton in under two hours.

Upon arriving at the Southampton station, I observed throngs of people trying to cram into a westbound LIRR train back to the city ($23.50 off-peak). They packed in tight, and some couldn’t even squeeze on. With gratitude for my comfy bus, I imagined standing with my luggage, shoulder to shoulder with strangers on a moving train for two hours.

The P/X registered mild surprise when I told her I was making a day trip to the Hamptons — I’d see her in a few hours. She handed me a warm cookie from the buzzy sandwich shop Alidoro, noted the return trip was fully booked and wished me well, then I was on my way.

What it was like to return to Manhattan on the Streamliner

Five hours later, my return bus rolled up on schedule at 5:15 p.m. The same P/X greeted me with a smile and asked about my day at the beach.

Boarding with another woman who looked about my age, I saw that the bus was indeed full. Comfy weekenders with suntans napped or clicked at laptops.

We took the only two open seats, right behind the driver. (Your ticket guarantees you a seat, but seat selection is first come, first served.)

A girl aged 8 or 9 sat in a higher-class seat across the aisle with her exclusive orange blanket, munching on potato chips and watching Netflix at nearly full volume.

I shared a rueful glance with my seatmate, Stacy Nordlinger. I’ve got three noisy kids of my own, so I could never complain. But signs pointed to a less serene return trip. We each ordered rosé served in a plastic sippy cup-encased wine “glass” — every Streamliner trip comes with up to three free drinks, which you request from the P/X or claim at the snack bar in the back.

Soon, the man seated behind the girl — presumably her dad — got up to fetch more chips. While he was gone, his hoverseat suddenly went rogue and began to shake loudly and violently, like a vibrating motel bed.

Whoops of laughter erupted. “Sorry, I put a quarter in!” “Gotta pay extra for that one!” “I’ll take that seat, please!” Energy and attitudes shot up.

The P/X extraordinaire quickly fixed the seat. But my cupholder was upended in the commotion and rosé trickled from my sippy cup.

“Not the wine!” Stacy said. As we laughed, the little girl dropped her snack. Stacy got up to help, but when she lifted the Famous Amos bag, cookies spilled everywhere. Then her cupholder toppled, and wine poured out freely. We scrambled to move our bags.

The P/X came with a Swiffer, giving a quick head shake about the loose cupholders. Composed and well-equipped as she was, I sensed this wasn’t the first “in-flight” mess she’d dealt with.

Stacy and I finally settled in, tapped our sippy cups together and chatted over rosé for the rest of the ride — with Thelma the Unicorn as a soundtrack.

What to know before you ride the Blade Hamptons Streamliner

The bus is clean and the lavatory is better than average.

I've come to expect a certain level of grime when riding on buses and trains, but there were no crumbs, trash or sticky films to be found on this bus. The bathroom was small, but not as tight as your typical plane or bus bathroom. It certainly had better lighting, and smelled better.

Get there early to pick your seat.

You’ll want to be among the first to board to get your pick of the seats. I recommend sitting somewhere in the middle of the bus, so you’re not staring at traffic in the front, or bugged by passengers coming and going to the snack bar and bathroom in the back.

It’s still a bus.

The Streamliner is comfortable, but it’s still subject to the rules of the road. Unlike one’s expectations “commensurate with private aviation,” the Streamliner is subject to car horns, traffic jams and potholes. And be advised: Traversing the aisle on a moving bus (say, to reach the snack bar) is not a smooth ride, so take advantage of the handrails near the overhead compartments.

If you can afford it, it’s probably worth it.

Stacy, who owns a house in Southampton, said the Streamliner experience was nicer than the $64 Hampton Ambassador bus she’s taken in the past. It was far and away more comfortable than a commuter train. And as Stacy pointed out, you can't drink wine if you drive yourself.

Luxury is in your material surroundings, but also in the company you keep.

As on any form of public transportation, so much depends on your fellow passengers. In my Streamliner experience, everyone was nice and well behaved. Some just needed more babysitting than others.